As you know (or don’t, if you didn’t read here) I went camping a couple weekends ago. I’d love to share my experience with you, so that you will grow a fond love of being one with the outdoors… like myself.
Without further ado, I present to you the reality of camping.
I think this is best presented in a list format, as most people don’t have attention span to read more than 100 words at a time (and by golly—there’s about 600 words!)
Reality 1: Mosquitoes. Here in central Canada we are inflicted with the presence of the infamous and annoying buzz of these despised insects. Up in the Muskokas (A.K.A Redneck Territory) there are swarms of these bloodthirsty creatures.
I don’t know what it is about my blood, or just that I’m a hot piece of meat that every mosquito needs a taste of (probably)… but it seems like no matter how much bug repellent I douse myself in they’re willing to risk the taste of tainted blood for a bite.
I urge you, not even once to think that you can squat in the woods and pee. I tried this and to my sorrow, my buttocks has about 15 bites on each cheek (luckily they swell up to the size of a golf ball so now I understand the meaning of bubble butt.) However, for the next week you walk around with a perpetual itch on your ass. Guys have it so easy…
BACK TO REGULAR PROGRAMMING
Reality 2: You will be dirty, and stinky. Eau de bug repellent is your perfume for the weekend. It’s got the undertones of smoke, dirt, sweat and a very faint scent of your body wash from the day before. I don’t know how it happens, but it seems like as soon as you unpack your tent and set up you’re instantly just filthy. If you’ve got a lake nearby, I suggest bringing an environmentally friendly shampoo and body wash.
Note: If you’re going with a boyfriend make sure that they understand women are humans and not everyone wakes up looking like Beyoncé. This trip will bring out your most unattractive features—but if they still love you, congrats you’re ready for marriage.
Reality 3: The draw to camping is the simplicity of it. You’re brought back to the pioneer roots without the comfort of electricity, plumbing and WiFi. Cooking over a campfire is like a primal urge. I don’t know what you did as a kid, but I used to play ‘pioneers’ by pretend hunting for food and setting up shelters. It could just be a Canadian thing.
Reality 4: Along with being put without electricity and other modern day necessities you get to spend some much needed bonding time with anyone you’re camping with. In the age of technology this break is needed, but also not something you realize until you are outside.
Camping is where memories are made: my first camping trip with my boyfriend was the best camping trip I’ve been on and while it wasn’t any special place in particular, it was ours. Insert soppy ‘aww!’
Reality 5: Wilderness. Did you know there were things living in the woods?
There you have it. If you’ve never gone camping, I do hope that I didn’t scare you off. If you have gone camping, how can you relate? And is there anywhere in the world where mosquitoes do not live? If so I would love to know.
Until next time,